
“You’d better learn your lesson yourself.”
I don’t know why it is, but some of my sharpest memories that I possess of my youth come from when I was just three years old. I haven’t spoken with many people who have memories of being that young. I don’t know if it’s because it’s how old I was when my blood father left, or what the reasoning is. All I know is that I have extreme clarity of key events from that age.
One such instance happened on a family vacation to Sanibel Island, Florida. It was the first time I had been in the ocean. I was a very confident swimmer for a child my age, and very sturdy. I can remember my mother letting me go to swim out a bit on my own. I recall bobbing along in the waves and just giggling delightedly. But when I made my way back to the shore, everything shifted dramatically. I got caught in the undertow. It was as though one minute I were there, my grandmother waving at me from her beach towel, my mother floating behind me, and the next moment, I was trapped some place very dark and troublesome.
I can remember the way it felt when the sand was sucked out from under my little feet. It just fell away, and too quickly, and the force of it took me back with it. A wave surged on top of me and I was pinned face down into the sand under the water. The water continued to pound down onto my back as I just laid there, completely helpless. I didn’t even try to fight it. It seemed senseless, possibly, even to my very young brain. I seemed to somehow understand that I was up against a force much stronger than me and I would just have to wait it out.
Sure enough, the water receded enough for me to stand up. I was naturally hysterical; out of breath, with sand in my eyes and up my nose and I’d swallowed plenty of salt water.
As a result, I have gone through life with a healthy respect for the power of the sea.
And what of the undertow that has nothing to do with water? What of the undertow that’s caused by people in your life? How many times have you found yourself asking what happened to the sand beneath your feet? How often were you stripped of a sense of security that you felt within the context of a relationship? When the waves on your back were angry words or broken furniture?
You think you’re a strong swimmer. And that may be the case. The undertow, however, is always available for teaching you lessons about fortitude, forbearance, survival, and the will to keep going.
There’s plenty of beauty left in the sea.














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