there is no traffic worse than the traffic in Ho Chi Minh City.

and it’s going to be the worst thing you deal with – aside from petty crime, which we’ll get into in a few.

but the traffic – it’s captivating.

if you’re easily annoyed at things like this don’t leave your hotel room between 8-and-1oam. and then between 10.30-and-1pm. or 4-and-8pm.

it’s annoying. and gives you a headache. but fortunately, there are a few things, along with cheap over-the-counter valium, you can do.

crossing the street: simply adhere to the Asian Rule #1 – hesitation will kill you. wait until there are only motorbikes coming, make eye contact with whoever is about to run you over and simply step out. do not stop. walk at a very, very slow pace looking directly at each driver and you’ll be fine. it’s going to seem suicidal at first, but once you’re in the middle of it all, the chaos theory comes into play. they’ll easily all pass in front, or behind you. did I mention not stopping? please don’t.

another thing I seriously suggest you do is rent a motorbike. the city starts to make sense once you’re part of the madness and not the minority who’s trying to figure it out. you can easily rent them by the day, week or month and it’s an incredibly easy process of calling one of the hundreds of dealers there [I can give you a number if you need], giving them your address and a copy of your passport, and then paying when you’re done. it’s the best way of understanding Saigon, but also makes it a lot more palatable.

that being said, remember the second rule of Asia: go slow. no, it has nothing to do with your driving, but, as Jeremy Clarkson said ‘the only rule to driving in Vietnam is improvisation’. don’t look both ways, look in every way. they will merge, cut-off, brake, speed-up and pass you at every speed imaginable. they’re also not a sue-happy country, so don’t pull out in front of a bus, even if it’s your turn. the fact that Ho Chi Minh City boasts no stop signs should tell you something.

but gosh, it’s fun.