-

it’s always been like this,

the obsession with ‘a lot’.

some have said ‘pushing the boundries’,

but that’s not it – that’s what James Dean did.

and I ain’t no James Dean.

ask anyone who knew me – anyone who knows me.

-

in my teens, I jumped a lot.

twenties – I said a lot.

and now into my 3^rd decade, I’m going a lot.

-

but there’s none of this ‘striving for greatness’

I find people who do that to be all-consumed

edges often blurred to the point of unrecognition.

edges, being my favorite parts.

-

it’s just simply going. and then coming back.

-

I found this out yesterday, while on my little boat.

it, safely tucked into a protected harbor,

me, more protected than most

‘cause I need it.

‘a month around the harbor’ I told Nick,

‘and then I’ll be confident enough to go out there’.

-

but a funny thing happened yesterday,

as yesterday’s always seem to be such catalysts of learning.

there wasn’t much wind for me and my boat.

more my boat than me,

she liked the wind,

I liked the protection.

I wasn’t confident enough to go out there

confidence, or, lack thereof, being why I jumped a lot

why I said a lot

and perhaps, sadly,

why I go a lot.

-

but there was no wind.

Nick had taught me to see where the wind was

and,

proudly using said learnings,

I looked out to where calm became stirred

a few hundred yards ahead.

-

up until then, it was me and Peter Tosh,

my little boat providing a dance floor for my occasional head-bob.

but there was wind.

I found that out a few minutes later

it was coming from the entrance to the harbor

a harbor doing a good job of keeping most of the crazy out

letting some in from time-to-time

which is important for people new to things.

-

so I went.

I went for the entrance,

not curiosity bettering me, as I knew what it felt like

nor was it an adrenaline need,

I ain’t one of those guys neither.

-

I made it through the entrance.

I made it out there.

-

and then a funny thing happened.

-

‘you didn’t die?’

‘you were okay?’

-

well, yes. sure.

but that’s not it.

-

I realized that being there,

while not the best of ideas,

was my choice.

my decision.

I was there because I decided I wanted to be.

-

I made it out,

Peter, boat and I.

I made it back

and was given a treat.

see, if you’re my Facebook friend [ha]

you’d know I posted my favorite song of his yesterday.

well, as I was heading out there,

through the entrance,

I put it on.

gave me a grin.

and some comfort

my favorite song of his.

as whatever god you believe in,

wouldn’t let anyone die to Peter Tosh.

besides Peter Tosh.

[r.i.p.]

-

but then, a treat

a maritime smackrel!

the instrumental came on as I was going back in

of the same track.

look at the album,

you’ll see what I mean.

you’ll also see I was only out for 10 tracks

which ain’t much

but it was to me.

-

a little something of my choosing going out

a little something of someone else’s coming back.

-

was this about making my own decisions?

or some producer including a bonus track?

-

I don’t know…

I just really happened to enjoy it all.