I am not an actor.

I never wanted to be an actor.

no, that’s not true – for a few months back in ’02, I did,

but after a 10-minute call with a guy named Barry Pepper,

I was talked out of it.

when I lived in L.A., I wanted to be an extra in one – just to say I did it.

but I am not an actor.

that being said, the two little indies I was in were fun.

I’ll tell ya the story of each:

The Love Story of Alfred J. Pintuck

when I director calls you up saying ‘I wrote this role specifically for you!’, it’s hard not to believe that you’re something special. when that director is Juliette McCawley, you simply accept that you piss excellence. when you find out it’s the role of the hard-drinking, cheating, wife-beating bar owner, you start to consider your lifestyle choice. I had never worked on the set of a movie of any kind and was quite taken with the whole aspect. Juliette was amazing to work for – fun, but structured. she’s up in London now attending a very prestigious film school, so no doubt you’ll hear more about her in the coming years. I also like that the song you hear at the end was from The Rock Star Posers – one of the bands we produced in Shanghai.

production notes:

1. I had one take to introduce ‘Violet’, as we were working on a sound stage and had gone over our alloted time. there were dozens of staff from another movie and I had gone out the night before and not learned my lines. this was an, ahem, abridged form of what was written.

2. the ‘light me’ scene was improvised. ‘Holly’ couldn’t get the lighter to work so I just grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the shot. aren’t I such a good improviser?!

A View To A Kill

this was a massive indie hit inside China – in fact, Tudou [China's YouTube] put it on their home page and it racked up 20,000 views in 2 days. obviously it had nothing to do with my acting or over-sized turtleneck, but, in fact, Judy Pingru Lu’s editing, which won her a few awards. I got to have a gun, I got to look evil and I got to come up behind Juliette [acting in this one] and grab her, which was every boy’s dream.

production notes:

1. for one scene, I jumped out of a 2nd story window, but it didn’t work well into the movie so you can only see it for a split-second over the end score. it was awesome.

2. after I’m given the final target, you see me do a weird run-hop through the woods – this was actually because that entire area was covered in human poop. seriously.

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hard to believe it never took off for me, isn’t it?