Never allow your bag to be put on a bus whilst you kill a few hours around town.

‘This town is the most boring yet’ I penned in my diary, ‘thank f*ck it’s only for a few hours’. I walked around town…twice. Got a 2-hour long massage (and there were only 1-hour’s available, so basically…just got the same thing twice), ate some noodles. Had a few more Beer Lao’s. Ate some more noodles. Caught up on some email. Planned out my sleeping-on-the-bus plan to a ‘T’ (‘Okay, when the bus stops for pee-pee time around 10 or 11p, I’ll finish this spliff, wash it down with a bit of ole’ ‘lao lao’, throw on Madlib’s remix of the old Blue Note albums and then see which one wins in knocking me out first. Perfect.

I walk out to board the bus and…well, it’s not there. In fact, it’s so far away from being there, by the time I explained in a very un-Lao raised voice what was going on, they tracked it…to fucking Thailand.

‘No problem sir’, (giggles – one of my biggest hatreds of Asia) ‘we will get it to you in Vientiane in a few days’.

‘Right. You can’t even put my bag on the right bus and I’m supposed to trust you’ll get it from the southern tip of the country to the damn-near north? No. I’m staying here (rolls eyes as if ‘here’ designated anything of interest, importance, etc) until it comes back tomorrow, so just exchange my ticket with the same-same (one of my favorite phrases in Asia) tomorrow’.

‘We cannot do that sir’.

[It was here for some reason my nipples hardened...I still don't know why]

‘Why not?!’

‘We have many people who work here for different companies. The man who put your bag on the wrong bus is different from the man who sells the tickets’.

‘Get your boss.’

‘Sir, the bus has already left, we cannot’.

‘Your fucking BOSS!’

‘If you’re not nice to me I don’t want to help you…this is not my problem.’

‘Where is he?’

‘He’s there, but his English and Lao are not so good. Too bad you don’t speak Chinese, ha ha’.

I got my ticket exchanged. I’m also giving a lot of faith to the system that lost my stuff in the first place to get my it back. But what the hell I’m going to do in this town for an entire 24 hours is beyond me. I don’t even know what to do for the next 24 minutes.

Fucking travel – don’t ever believe it ain’t a pain in the ass.

[Update]

Bag is back. Everyone found it amusing. I probably should have to, but…not yet. Okay, power-positive, life had a reason for keeping me here, yeah? Eyes/ears open? Dolly Parton mentioned in her amazing bio (seriously worth a read) that ‘You can’t have the rainbow without the rain!’, so was mine just in reverse? Is there a lesson to be found in all of this?! Shall I look in every corner of Paske, Laos until it hits me?

Nah.

Fuck forced-enlightenment – I’m going to the pub.