…should tell you that I had a shit day – one of the shittiest days I’ve had in a long time. I woke up to some Chinese TV station stealing our cable for internet so they could broadcast in real time, the show they were filming and breaking my FTP that needed to be done today or I shell out for Fed Ex to The States. Called my director who didn’t think to check for the studio lights last night leaving us f*cked unless we found them (read: I had to scramble to try to find some). It suddenly got unbelievably muggy here. I also felt like I got betrayed and while I’m sure it’s not the case, the feeling’s still there. A production I tried hard to make a good impression with on the first go was a cluster-fuck. I’m lonely. I miss my ex and wish for the past but am scared to take her through that again. This town is wearing on me although it’s purely my choice to indulge. I’m paranoid. I’m indebted to someone I speak ill of. I got to deliver a large load by myself. It started raining heavily while waiting on a cab. The person I looked forward to sitting down canceled and while I know it’s not the case, I felt abandoned. It’s weird back up here now which sucks and has never happened. My cameraman gave me the wrong file for another film that was due tomorrow. McDonald’s messed up my order and the delivery guy refused to not wait on my terrace while he stared at me working. The other film’s VOX is in there and I don’t want to go right now. I’m broke – again. I lost faith in people that had it most from me…and I’m tired.

And it’s the tired that scares me most.